Dream03:53 Jul 17 2009
Times Read: 654
I had an interesting dream that I was in a classroom. We were assigned a project that I did not know how to do. I didn't even know what the subject was.
The dream had morphed from a moment where I was standing behind a keyboard (like on a live talkshow band) and I was hitting a few notes pretending to play, but not really even trying, like singing quitely in a choir hoping everyone else will hide how badly you sing.
Then I walked back to the table (I guess I had been there before but I don't remember the details) and we were eing given an assignment. My friend Mana (the girl in red on my profile) comes up to me and says she doesn't really know anyone in the class and none of them look like they know what they are doing, and that I always look like I know what I'm doing.
I tell her that I don't even know what the project is , or for that matter, even the subject.
She goes away, because I can't help her, and I let her, and I attempt to find out what the class is about so I can do the assignment.
It appears that the class is something to do with mathematics, and cell biology. I think maybe it had something to do with how cells produce energy as a mathematic formula.
People begin writing answers on the chalkboard as I begin to glean the nature of the project, but not the formula, or understanding of the core process, the type of cells, or anything at all.
The teacher comes up to me (a bit disdainfully) and I tell him that I don't know when we got the handouts. I don't even have a textbook. The teacher has a textbook (brown and small for a textbook) but it looks like the lettering is rubbed off and I still can't quite tell what class I am in.
He implies that we don't have textbooks and he says that he handed out the material yesterday at 6. I tell him I wasn't there yesterday at 6. He appologizes and says, I mean friday at 6, last class.
I say, at 6? Am or PM.
PM, he says.
WHo goes to class at 6 pm?
He kind of holds up his hands sort of palm up to indicate the class.
Oh, I said... this is some sort of remedial class.
Why are you here? he says.
I think I followed Mana in
You just follow her wherever she goes?
Yeah
Like your close sisters?
Were closer than sisters, I say.
***
Then I begin to wake up and start to analyze what I said.
So, I wonder to myself, am I really panicked about not knowing what the class was? or that I am in the wrong situation and don't know what I am doing? or am I embarassed about my relationship with a former girlfriend?
No...
How long has it been since I didn't know what I was doing and was scared by it. I could feel the edge of the panic in the distance, like a memory that happened to a different person.
So I began to think about how other people think about this... if it is just me that is not afraid to learn new things. Or if most people get panicked when confronted with something they don't know how to do and are thrust into it.
I don't know, I am smart enought to figure most things out (not music admittedly) but I can figure out what I am generally suposed to do, and I pick up on the nuances pretty quickly.
***
Another thing I think about as I am getting out of bed, is that it is 6pm, time to wake up (except it is my day off) and that the dream may have something to do with my new night job.
I brush that off as I begin to analyse why I was not scared in teh dream. When I was a kid I was too young for a lot of the classes.
I started school very early, and I was not developed enough for some of the classes, and there were some things that i did not understand until later in the semesters. In particular... math.
I was however, extreamly advanced in reading, I was reading adult books in grade 2 (when I was 6) I apologize for my grammar and spelling, I am just typing, this isn't a project... *laughs*
and I don't want to forget my thoughts. Get them down first because self analysis is more important than spelling. but not much more is.
Um yeah... forgot where I was going with this.
...rereads bits....
OK so, I have a bit of trouble with math in the early parts of the semesters because everyone else is at least a half year older than me and most people are a year and even a year and a half older than me, because I started grade 1 when I was 4. Technically, I was way past the cut off date which I think was suposed to be arround april 1st... my mother might have deliberately switched my birthday on teh application form from 1/9/71 to 9/1/71 making me effectively 8 months older than I am.
Ok... yeah so I have trouble in school, but I ace the tests at the end of the year, because my brain finally understands what it was trying to learn previous... but I did have some anxiety about multiplication tables and long devision... although I never had problems with decimals.
Now, I will pose this question on the boards...
Do you fear learning new things?
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